on choosing natural childbirth: plan ahead and prepare

i knew i wanted a natural childbirth. or thought i did. but i was scared. scared of the pain, no lie. i had a few close friends who made this choice before me and i had heard about its many benefits. it seemed like the right thing for me. but it was terrifying. what if i couldn't do it? what if the pain was too much. what if it went on too long. what if there were complications. what if the baby was HUGE. whatif, whatif, whatif! (cue poem.)

Whatif by Shel Silverstein

Last night, while I lay thinking here,
some Whatifs crawled inside my ear
and pranced and partied all night long
and sang their same old Whatif song:

Whatif I'm dumb in school?
Whatif they've closed the swimming pool?
Whatif I get beat up?
Whatif there's poison in my cup?
Whatif I start to cry?
Whatif I get sick and die?
Whatif I flunk that test?
Whatif green hair grows on my chest?
Whatif nobody likes me?
Whatif a bolt of lightning strikes me?
Whatif I don't grow taller?
Whatif my head starts getting smaller?
Whatif the fish won't bite?
Whatif the wind tears up my kite?
Whatif they start a war?
Whatif my parents get divorced?
Whatif the bus is late?
Whatif my teeth don't grow in straight?
Whatif I tear my pants?
Whatif I never learn to dance?
Everything seems well, and then
the nighttime Whatifs strike again!

but ultimately it was what Dave and i chose to aim for. we accept that the whole process would not be under our control, but that we could design a preference plan, that if things went the way we hoped, we could have some control of the decisions of our labor and delivery. and really, i let go of the fear. by the third trimester, i was really looking forward to labor instead of dreading it. i wanted to live the experience. 


we knew that in order to be best prepared for a natural childbirth we have to do some pre-work. it helps that Dave and i are both researchers by nature. we started by researching birth classes. honestly, we didn't do a ton of leg work. our midwife whom we had developed a good relationship by this point recommended the Bradley method and i had heard of it from a close friend who had experience two successful natural childbirths. we went to a "video night" by one of the certified teachers in the area. (the other had begun teaching a modified version of Bradley and so we weren't sure it would be what we were looking for.) she was unique and quirky, but clearly passionate about childbirth and the Bradley method. while we didn't necessarily connect directly to the teacher, we knew she would give us an excellent class. and it was.


likewise, we begun our massive hunt for a doula. a doula is a kind of birth coach. it is hard to put into words what they offer as it really depends what you are looking for. for us, we knew dave would be my main coach. but as neither of us had been through this before, we wanted a sort of tour guide who could help point out mile markers along the way. we wanted to labor at home for the beginning but knew we would struggle with the decision of when to go to the hospital. we wanted the doula to help support dave help support me and help support both of us around birth preference choices we had.


by making these preparations and developing our birth preferences to share with the nurses and midwife who would be working with us, we felt like we were better prepared and knew what to expect in the hospital. it also gave me a sense of control over something that was very foreign and unknown. and beyond that, all we could do was believe that things would work out as we hoped.